Widows: Is Viola Davis, Liam Neeson, or Colin Farrell the best thief?


























Widows

When pulling off a robbery, would you rather have Liam Neeson’s very particular set of skills or Michelle Rodriguez behind the wheel? That’s the question that I couldn’t stop thinking about while watching Widows (out Friday), the new star-filled heist movie from Oscar winning director Steve McQueen. And there really was only one way to settle this hypothetical — by ranking the cast, which also includes Viola Davis and Colin Farrell, by how useful they’d be in an actual heist. So crack open our rankings and see which star is the ideal thief.

12. Robert Duvall (Tom Mulligan)

Credentials: He was the consigiliere to the legendary Corleone mafia family. 

Verdict: All due respect to Don Corleone, but an 87-year-old wouldn’t be at the top of the list when building a crew.

11. Elizabeth Debicki (Alice)

Credentials: The 28-year-old Australian actress is still on the rise, so she doesn’t have as many experiences to pull from, but she was a doctor in Everest (always good in case someone gets wounded during the job) and she was the girlfriend of an arms dealer in The Night Manager.

Verdict: Not quite ready for the big-time, and standing at well over 6 feet tall, she’d be very memorable for eye witnesses.

10. Brian Tyree Henry (Jamal Manning)

Credentials: In what will be a recurring theme here, Henry has played a cop (White Boy Rick), so he has some insight to the other side of the law (though not as much as his multiple cop movie costars). And Paper Boi has a bit of experience in a life of crime, but selling some weed and owning a gun is a long way from pulling off a heist.

Verdict: His lone attempt at a robbery ended with him dead in Hotel Artemis, which usually isn’t part of the plan.

9. Cynthia Erivo (Belle)

Credentials: Have you seen those Widows biceps?!

Verdict: Erivo needs a bit more of a track record before rising up the list. Although, her singing ability could be a nice distraction.

8. Jacki Weaver (Agnieska)

Credentials: She was the tough matriarch of the Cody crime family in the Animal Kingdom film.

Verdict: Being able to oversee the job is valuable, but even more valuable are multi-skilled soldiers.

7. Colin Farrell (Jack Mulligan)

Credentials: He has more than enough experience as a troubled cop (S.W.A.T., Miami Vice, True Detective), but his most relevant talents might have been picked up as Bullseye in Daredevil.

Verdict: He’s kind of an one-trick pony — and a horrible boss. 

6. Carrie Coon (Amanda)

Credentials: She’s taken out superheroes in Infinity War, seen how to frame someone up-close in Gone Girl, and was a sinner in The Sinner.

Verdict: Her case to be on the team is almost as bulletproof as the vest that she wore on The Leftovers.

5. Liam Neeson (Harry)

Credentials: Besides having a “very particular set of skills”? The man has proven to kick ass on a plane, train, and snowplow. And that doesn’t even include his work in Europe, the wars in the stars, and Gotham.

Verdict: As impressive as that set of skills is, they’re kind of narrow. Clearly he can beat up people — and wolves — but what else is he bringing to the table? Like, can he even drive? It’s a necessary question considering he always seems to be a passenger.  

4. Viola Davis (Veronica)

Credentials: She’s been a detective in Disturbia, granted Danny Ocean his release in Ocean’s Eleven (she must have been in on it), and put together the Suicide Squad. Also, she’s one award short of the EGOT, so if the target is a Grammy award then she’ll have plenty of extra motivation. And as the star of Fences, she will surely know where to unload the goods.

Verdict: She knows how to get away with murder, so she should need no help getting away with a robbery.

3. Jon Bernthal (Florek)

Credentials: His criminal history is impressive, between The Accountant, Baby Driver, and The Wolf of Wall Street, not to mention his experience on the other side of the law on Mob City and The Walking Dead. And let’s not overlook surviving two seasons of a zombie apocalypse, especially considering you never know what you could encounter on a job.

Verdict: If you get a chance to have The Punisher in your crew, you take it.

2. Daniel Kaluuya (Jatemme Manning)

Credentials: He’s survived the Mexican cartel (Sicario), extreme cardio (Black Mirror), betraying his superhero best friend (Black Panther), and visiting his girlfriend’s murderous family (Get Out).

Verdict: The man can get out of anything!

1. Michelle Rodriguez (Linda)

Credentials: She can fight (Girlfight), play cop (S.W.A.T.), lead a revolution (Machete), drive fast and furiously, steal DVD players, succesfully fake her death, survive falling off a tank during a highspeed chase, fly a car, and bring people back to life by regaining her memory (six Fast & Furious movies). 

Verdict: She’s the total package. 

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