Yahoo evidently thought we needed further crazy to witness post-Lohan trying to kidnap children last weekend. Enter Suge Knight Jr. Junior has been doing some investigative reporting and this week revealed his startling findings on Instagram. More than 5 insta posts on a topic makes it a docudrama, and you can call this one “Tupac Shakur is Alive and Well and Living in Malaysia.”
Just like it says on the tin, Junior is the son of murderous former rap producer Suge Knight. Suge was recently sentenced to 28 years in the clink for, you guessed it, murder. Specifically, Suge’s going down for intentionally confusing another human being for a speed bump. Daddy’s umpteenth jailing seems to have distressed Junior enough to prompt a deep dive into hip-hop conspiracy theory.
If you’ll recall, Tupac succumbed to gunshot injuries on Sept. 13, 1996 after being shot multiple times in a Las Vegas drive-by six days earlier. Suge Jr.’s dad was driving the car Tupac was in at the time. He received minor injuries, whereas Shakur took four bullets. Speaking of hip-hop conspiracy theory, Suge has claimed that his ex-wife was actually trying to have HIM killed that night and Tupac was caught in the crossfire. Whatever actually happened doesn’t matter now. Because Tupac’s alive! And don’t think for a second that the Illuminati doesn’t rear it’s Beyonce-wigged head in this story.
Junior backed his findings up with this eerie footage of Tupac at what looks like the DMV somewhere in Malaysia.
He also produced these totally real, not at all badly Photoshopped snaps of Tupac hanging out with celebrities post-dying as further evidence.
Beyonce knew he was alive this whole time. And so did 50 Cent!
And you owe Suge Knight Jr. an apology if you thought he might be drinking absinthe and bath salts cocktails because…
Junior persisted in his claim, while also posting a couple of sinister clips and a screenshot of a text convo as evidence that the #Killuminati were trying to silence him. The texts were probably from his landlord.
Paranoia strikes deep! Into your life it will creep!
Junior also seems to be cashing in on his theory by putting together what looks like a reality show of his hunt for Tupac? This makes all of those shows about finding Bigfoot seem reasonable and completely sane.
If Tupac is alive, he should come out of hiding to save his #1 fan Junior and help him battle the evil Beyonce-led #Killuminati. And while he’s at it, he should shoot a sequel to Poetic Justice. He was so good in that, and I’m dying to know if his mailman character and Janet Jackson’s hairdresser/poet character were able to make it work.
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