Open Post: Hosted By Post Malone's New Haircut

This BIG BREAKING NEWS started on Saturday, after Post Malone posted a picture of himself (Postception?) on Instagram with the caption: “Had 2 big ass dreads. plz don’t stop listening to my music.” On Sunday he confirmed that those big ass dreads were no more, and he’d gotten a haircut.

Here’s the earth-shattering picture:

I’m kind of surprised that those two big ass dreads were bothering Post enough to make him cut his hair; he seems like the type that would have just rolled with it, possibly decorating them with Gucci ribbons pulled from a trash can. But maybe there’s something more dark-sided at work here. Some people are superstitious of black cats or broken mirrors, bt Post Malone without his signature before-in-a-detangler-infomerical hair situation is far more disturbing.

It could be for a movie – he was recently cast in Mark Wahlberg’s upcoming film Wonderland. Or maybe he’s trying to use the powers of elimination to  figure out the source of his bad luck. Over the past few months, Post has been dealing with a variety of strange events, like an emergency jet landing, a car crash, a targeted home robbery, and an experience with a haunted box. Maybe Post cut off his hair in an attempt to temporarily throw whatever curse is following him off the scent. That curse will be so confused the next time it approaches Post with plans to have him fall down the stairs and they see what appears to be not Post, but the love child of a tattoo gun and Kramer from Seinfeld.


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